Point of No Return
by Darth Luffy
Summary: Set after 5x13. Not everyone went in to cryo immediately, which gives some of them the chance to finally talk about all that has happened. Basically a bunch of conversations between various characters, typically involving Clarke.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **Set shortly after they arrive on the main Elegius ship, mostly featuring Clarke and Diyoza.

* * *

**Point of No Return**

Finishing up the wrapping for the head wound she was currently treating Clarke pulled the bandage tight, causing her patient to wince. "Fuck it wasn't enough for you to pistol whip me, now you trying to cut off blood flow up there?"

"How about you whine less and be grateful I didn't just shoot you?" Clarke retorted, getting the woman to clamp her mouth shut. The woman had been the one tasked with guarding Diyoza's cell and she had been whining non-stop about Clarke having knocked her out. In Clarke's opinion though she needed to shut up and be grateful that it would've drawn too much attention at the time to simply shoot her.

Pulling the bandage a little tighter than might be necessary she fastened it together, stepping back to inspect her work. "There, now just keep pressure on it for the next hour and you'll be good."

Pressing one hand to the wound to keep pressure on it as instructed, the woman glared back at Clarke as she exited the medbay. "Is there an actual reason for her to do that?" Niylah asked from nearby, busy setting a splint around the broken ankle of a Wonkru soldier.

"No, but she annoyed me." Clarke said with a slight smile, getting Niylah to shake her head in amusement. Looking around she looked for the next patient that needed treatment, restraining from shaking her head as she saw just how many still awaited treatment. At least the severely injured had already been treated by her mom and Jackson.

As if on cue the doors to the medbay opened, two members of Wonkru stumbling in, one supporting the other as he coughed harshly, collapsing to his knees as bright red blood dyed the floor before him. Rushing to the man Clarke helped him back up, guiding him to one of the med tables as Jackson came running over. For the next several minutes the two worked to find the cause of the man's collapse, realizing quickly that it was due to the wounds sustained during the first battle in the gorge having worsened.

"Dammit," Jackson cursed, racking his brain for a solution. He had been the one to treat Tahkos after the battle, there hadn't been the time or resources to extract the bullets then but he'd thought they were stable enough to leave until later. He already had a punctured lung though and the mad rush to the drop ship had only made it worse. With the amount of blood that was pooling in his lungs there was no option but surgery.

"I'll prep for surgery," Clarke said, having reached the same conclusion Jackson had. While she was nowhere near the doctor her mother was, she was well acquainted with treating the after effects of a battle.

"Prep what?" Jackson asked, shaking his head in frustration. "There's nothing left. No surgical mesh, no sedatives, no antibiotics, we've used nearly everything already." Clenching his fist, he slammed it on the table in anger, ignoring the looks he was getting from everyone in the medbay.

Struggling to sit up Tahkos reached over and placed a hand on Jackson's shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. "It's okay. My fight has come to an end." The scarred warrior said slowly in accented English, doing his best not to grit his teeth in pain. He had known his injuries were too severe to be treated, it was why he hadn't wanted to come to the medbay. Better to let them use their time healing the ones that could be saved.

"It shouldn't have to be. I should be able to do something." Jackson said, shaking his head in denial. In truth though he knew there was nothing to be done, not without a stocked OR. And even then it would've been a surgery with a low chance of survival. All he could do now was find some way to ease the man's pain.

"Jackson," Clarke said softly, pulling him away from Tahkos as the man laid back down. "Go help the next patient. I'll handle the rest."

"But I-" Jackson started before falling silent. He knew he should be the one to take responsibility but he couldn't. Taking his silence as acceptance Clarke moved past him, Jackson turning to watch her for a moment before shaking his head and moving on to the next patient.

"Do you know what's going to happen?" Clarke asked gently as she moved over to where Tahkos lay, placing a hand atop his wrist for comfort. The man had his eyes closed as he breathed heavily, clearly suffering just from the effort of drawing breath.

Opening his eyes Tahkos took in the person before him, "Wanheda…" He breathed out, Clarke nodding slightly at the mention of the title she'd hoped to never hear again. "I'm dying."

"Yes, but it will take time. And it will hurt for every moment of it." Clarke said bluntly, letting the man know what awaited him. There was no way to know just how long Tahkos could hold on for, lung wounds were pretty variable. But it would kill him, and until then he would be in terrible pain.

Reaching for her belt she drew out her knife, showing it to the man. "I can't promise that it will be painless but it will be quick." She offered, giving Tahkos the choice. If he wanted to fight and hold on for as long as possible then she would honor that. But if he wanted to end his fight then she would grant that to him.

For several seconds Tahkos looked at the knife, then up at Clarke, locking eyes with her as he seemed to search for something. Nodding, he closed his eyes once more, "Ai gonplei ste oden."

"Yu gonplei ste oden," Clarke echoed giving the man's arm one last reassuring squeeze, before sliding the blade into the side of his neck. Withdrawing the blade, she watched as his breathing slowed, before finally coming to a merciful stop. Rising from his side Clarke wiped her knife clean before returning it to its sheath, looking around the room to see who needed help next.

The looks that greeted her though made it clear that none of them wanted her help. Whether part of Eligius or Wonkru all of them gazed at her with fear, clearly disturbed by her actions. Not bothering to restrain herself she couldn't help but roll her eyes. Nearly everyone on this damn ship was a killer, but she granted someone the peace they asked for and now they looked at her with fear yet again. As if she would come for them next.

Well if they didn't want her help then she wouldn't stay stuck in here. Most of the remaining patients were just minor injuries anyways, Niylah could handle them. Making up her mind she headed for the exit, only to be surprised when someone stepped in front of her.

"Well if no one else wants to be next, how about taking a look at me?" Diyoza said, a half smile on her face that annoyed Clarke to no end.

"Why not? You wanted to someone make sure the baby was alright?" Clarke asked, not bothering to wait for an answer as she stepped back away from the door. Pointing to a med table that had a tarp pulled around it to give some privacy, she moved off to get something "Head back there, that way we have some privacy. I'll grab what I need and be there in a minute."

* * *

Keeping her attention focused on the monitor Clarke tried to ignore the smug smile Diyoza had. Whatever it was that had the woman so amused was none of her concern, even if she felt that she was the source of the amusement. "Everything looks good. I'll save a copy of the ultrasound and have Abby take a look later but I don't see any issues."

"That's a relief," Diyoza said, genuinely relieved that there was nothing wrong. It wasn't like it had been an easy pregnancy even before taking the cryosleep into account.

Standing up Clarke switched off the machine before taking a small container of pills out of her bag. "Here. Prenatal vitamins or as close as we can manage at least." She explained as she passed them over to Diyoza.

Shaking her head a bit Diyoza took one out, swallowing it before continuing, "Is there even a point to me taking these? We're going to be going into cryo anyways." She was the one that had designed that damn bomb, she knew there would be nothing left. If they were lucky the valley might come back in a few decades, the only way they'd survive that long was cryo.

Pausing from packing up her kit Clarke evaluated the colonel for a minute, "You're likely right. But it's better to take them while you have a chance than not."

"True," Diyoza acknowledged with a slight tilt of her head. "Will any of my people actually wake up from cryo?"

"Don't know. That's not my call." Clarke answered, leaning back against the table her bag rested on. If Diyoza wanted to chat for a moment she'd humor her, there wasn't anything else that required her immediate attention. "I imagine they'll wake you to allow your child to be born at least, she's innocent in all of this."

"Nice thought, given that you were pointing a gun at my baby a few hours ago." Diyoza pointed out, watching Clarke to see if she'd react. The woman was completely composed though, simply gazing back at Diyoza as if they were having a normal chat. "Would you have actually done it? Taken an innocent life?"

That got a reaction from Clarke, her gaze hardening as she glared at Diyoza. "Yes, I would. Part of me wishes I had, then we wouldn't be stuck up here." She had been too slow to realize what McCreary was after, if she had then shooting Diyoza might've gotten him to pause long enough to take him out.

"You think it would be that easy to live with?" Diyoza asked, waiting to see what Clarke's response would be. She knew better than anyone the weight of killing innocents, of killing children who had done nothing wrong. It wasn't an easy burden to bear, even if you did so for a just cause.

"What's one more life added to the hundreds I've already taken?" Clarke responded, grabbing her bag of the table and heading to leave.

"Is that why they fear you?" Diyoza asked, getting Clarke to stop and turn and face her. "I thought it was funny, how they looked at you with such fear when you're the reason any of them are alive. My guys being scared makes sense; you've killed plenty of them. But the rest? The only reason they're alive is because you took the dropship. So why are they so afraid?"

"I thought Kane told you everything?" Clarke asked, regretting engaging with the woman again even as she did.

"I'm beginning to think he left some things out." Diyoza replied, a slight edge to her voice. It was becoming apparent to her that Kane hadn't filled her in fully on Clarke, likely to prevent her from becoming a target.

"Fine then, you want to know? It's because I've committed massacre after massacre. I burned an army alive when they attacked my friends, I allowed a missile strike to be carried out on Tondc. I flooded Mt. Weather with radiation killing everyone who lived there. I've killed hundreds; solders, women, children, people who had helped us." Clarke said, anger seeping in to her voice as she explained. She had wanted so badly to forget, to leave it all behind in a world that had been burned away. But that would never be allowed to happen.

"You want to know why they fear me? It's because I'm the Commander of Death, and they believe I'll come for them next. There's not even five hundred people left alive and they blame me for that." She blamed herself. So many people had died because of her, those she'd killed, those she'd failed to save, those that died because of her.

"Now if that's all I'd like to go see my daughter." Clarke finished, storming out of the small enclosure.

Sitting on the medtable Diyoza had a small smirk at finally having gotten the answers she was looking for. She had felt that she was missing something from the start, that there was more to Clarke than they were letting on. And now she knew. The girl was the same as her, a leader that had made all the hard choices for her people and become hated by the masses for it. She couldn't help be amused by that, back when she'd led the ULA there had been no one that could relate to her. Now though she couldn't help but see all the similarities between herself and two of the young women who had been at the center of the war.

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**Author's Note:** There's chapter one done. I actually do have multiple chapter planned for this one so I will be adding a few more.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: **Chapter 2, set immediately after the discussion on the bridge in which they decide to send everyone into cryo.

**Point of No Return**

"So while I appreciate the spirit, it's not the best idea to send everyone straight to cryo." Raven said, getting everyone to stop.

"What do you mean?" Bellamy asked, not seeing a point to delaying. There were two separate armies on the ship at the moment, and it was hard to tell which one would be more likely to attack the other. Delaying sending them to cryo could only end badly.

"Well first off I'd have everyone that's capable of doing so shower. I don't know about you, but I don't want to spend the next ten years covered in filth. Do that and we can send pretty much everyone to cryo, all the Eligius guys, the Grounders, etc." Raven explained, everyone waiting to see who she didn't want to send into cryo.

"The second thing is that, as Shaw said, we do actually have a few weeks' of rations. Now most of that needs to be stored for when we wake up but there's still maybe two weeks' worth of perishable supplies if we limit them to around twenty people. That's not factoring in rationing either. So let me, Shaw, Monty, and whatever engineers we have stay up for a while and look over the ship, make sure there won't be any unexpected surprises. And maybe while we're doing that, we can take a look at repairing that engine." Raven finished, trying to play coy with her final point.

"What's the point of that? Planning on going somewhere?" Murphy asked, tilting his head as he looked at Raven. "Or is this just an excuse for a spacewalk?"

"While I admit that is part of it, it also just makes sense to see if we can repair the engine." Raven said, leaning against the seat Shaw was in, eyes lighting up as she went into more detail. "This ship was capable of reaching eight-tenths the speed of light with hythylodium as the fuel source. Do you have any idea how fast that is? Even if we can't think of a need for it now having that at our disposal will end up being useful."

"Ok, let's do it." Madi said, cutting in before anyone else could argue. Raven's points made sense to her… and there a small voice in the back of her head telling her that it needed to be done. "Gather everyone up so I can tell them the plan, then pick out who you need."

"Ok, then. Guess we're doing this. Monty could you check on the rations, make…" Bellamy said, directing the rest of them around as they started to leave the bridge.

Smiling at Madi taking charge Clarke started to follow after her, only to be stopped by Raven grabbing her arm. "Not you. You get to try and clean up your mess for a change."

"What are you talking about?" Clarke asked, Raven dragging her over to one of the consoles. On the floor near it was large red stain, blood splatter from when she had stomped McCreary's head in. Not too far away were more stains from the two Shaw had shot. Not exactly the ideal décor for the bridge of a spaceship.

"You killed them, you clean them up." Raven said as she came back over, pressing a bucket with some water and sponge in it. "Be sure to scrub hard behind the console too, pretty sure I saw some gray matter back there."

"Raven…" Clarke started to protest, stopping as Raven rushed off. Looking back down at the stain she shook her head, consigning herself to the task. She supposed it was only fair that she clean up the mess she had caused.

* * *

Clarke wasn't sure how long she'd been on the bridge scrubbing. The stains left behind had been both annoyingly persistent and surprisingly widespread. Who would've thought someone with so little brains could have them splatter so widely?

Smiling darkly at the rather morbid joke Clarke missed noticing that someone else had entered the room, at least until they opened the hatch on the window. "Echo, I didn't hear you enter." She said as she stood up, dropping the sponge into the bucket. She was pretty much done anyways, you'd have to look hard to see any traces of what had been there before.

"Clarke. I hadn't realized you were still here." Echo said slowly, looking her over with the same evaluating gaze she always seemed to have. She had wondered why the woman wasn't at Madi's speech but had thought she was just trying to avoid everyone.

"Turns out blood doesn't come out of metal floors that well." Clarke quipped, a slight smile as she moved to better see out of the observation port alongside Echo. They weren't in geosynchronous orbit so what had been Shadow Valley was no longer visible. Judging from the mountain ranges she could see they were orbiting over what had been the Indian Peninsula several hundred years ago.

"It's strange to see it without oceans." Clarke said softly, speaking mostly to herself. She had known the lakes had burned away, and had driven to where the coastline was and knew nothing was there. Still, she had thought that somewhere there was still ocean, but it really was all gone. All that remained was desert.

"I've never seen it with them." Echo commented, getting Clarke to look over to her in surprise. She hadn't really been expecting the woman to comment. "Harper found a few old movies, must have watched them all a dozen times. One of those showed the view from space of how it was then. I could never picture it myself though. When I think of the Earth now, all I can see is this."

"I can still see it as it was. I used to dream of setting foot on the ground so often." Clarke said, closing her eyes as she remembered the way the Earth was. Beautiful stretches of green and brown and white, the great blue oceans spanning between continents. Opening her eyes again all she could she was brown, the result of humanity having burned it to the ground thrice over. "I drew it so many times in my cell, and now it's all gone."

Tilting her head slightly Echo looked over at Clarke in curiosity, "You were a prisoner? Before going to the ground?"

"They never told you?" Clarke asked, getting a shake of the head as an answer. "The hundred of us they sent to the ground on the first dropship were all prisoners, plus Bellamy who had stowed away. As we were expendable, they sent us to see if the ground was survivable."

"They didn't know?" Echo asked, wondering how she had never thought to ask any of this before now. She supposed that she just hadn't thought to ask as she hadn't been around when they'd first landed. There had always been a sort of unspoken agreement between them not to inquire into each other's pasts.

"No. They believed that it'd be another hundred years before the ground would be habitable. They didn't realize that our blood could handle radiation as well as it does." Clarke explained, before realizing something. "Now that I think of it, it's very possible that they knew the reactors would fail. The original crews would've been more familiar with the technology, they likely made the calculations of how long we needed to stay in space with that in mind."

She supposed that had information had been lost in the ensuing decades. Or maybe even deleted on purpose, there had been many factions on the Ark and much had been lost because of them. Even the fact that their blood had been altered to survive in space had been lost, Clarke and Abby having only realized so when studying Becca's work. It hadn't just been chance that had given them the ability to process radiation, their ancestors had actually modified their genes to enable that. And yet that information too had been lost during their time in space.

"Then why come down? If they didn't believe it was survivable why risk it?" Echo asked, not seeing the point. Sure, surviving in space wasn't exactly fun but it was safer than the ground was.

"There was a fault with the life support system. If they had stayed it would've failed within a few months, unless they drastically reduced the population." Clarke explained, remembering her time on the ark. It was so strange for her to think back on now, two-thirds of her life had been spent there and yet it seemed like nothing compared to what had come since.

"My dad was the one to find the fault. He wanted to warn everyone but we were found out." Clarke continued, not telling Echo that it was her own mother that had betrayed them. There was no reason to bring that up. "They executed him and put me in solitary confinement. I spent my last year on the Ark knowing that the next time I left my cell it would be for my execution."

"Damn." Echo said, not really knowing how to respond. She could relate to the feeling of waiting for an inevitable death, both from her childhood and her time as a prisoner of Mt. Weather. But not for an entire year.

"Yeah, not the best year of my life." Not the worst either though. That place was held by the year from the time Lexa had died to when she'd found Madi. Well ten months or so anyways. God, it always seemed like it had been so much longer.

"What was then?" Echo asked, Clarke turning and looking at her in confusion. "The best year, not the worse."

Surprised by the question Clarke took a moment to think on it. The answer came to her quickly, Clarke smiling as she remembered them. "Honestly? It was the last five years. The time when it was just me and Madi." It had taken some time to get the nearly feral girl to trust her but once she had Clarke had cherished every moment of those years. Even with her occasional bouts of melancholy they had still been the best of her life.

As she remembered those years Clarke's expression softened, lost in the memories. It was strange for Echo to see her like this, to her the woman in front of her had always been Wanheda. The feared Commander of Death, the woman who had massacred the Mountain Men, who had stood alone before the armies of Azgeda and turned them away without a single life lost. Even after having lost many of her superstitions during her time in space she couldn't help but still fear her. Actually given that she'd held her life in her hands just a few hours earlier maybe it wasn't that strange.

Now though she was softer, watching the planet below in a way that let Echo know she was seeing something else. Memories of a much happier time. "It was the same for me," Echo said, surprising herself with the words. Pausing as Clarke returned her attention to her she pressed on, deciding to go with it. "The last few years, the ones spent on the ring. Those were the best of my life."

It was such an odd thing to realize. Six years ago she would've murdered everyone that had ended up on that ring with her if ordered, and not given it a second thought. Now she would do anything to protect them. They were her family. "It's why I can't seem to hate you for what you did. I can understand being willing to do anything for those you love." Of course, it helped that Clarke had freed her and taken the dropship, she would've been considerably less forgiving if she had let those guards kill her.

"There's a reason the commander's insisted that love was weakness." Clarke said, understanding what Echo was saying. She had been willing to let everyone she had once cared for die to protect Madi after all. "It makes you put the needs of a few over the many." And for a leader who had to make life and death decisions that was a dangerous concept.

"I don't think our new commander agrees with that." Echo stated, remember the moment back in the village, Madi having used what she assumed were Lexa's words to convince Clarke to change sides again. "What was it? Life should be about more than just surviving?"

"Yes, but it's never that easy." Clarke replied, trying not to let her discomfort show as Echo repeated her own words too her. "That's why she'll have me there beside her." She stated, turning away from the window heading off the bridge. She needed to find Madi and see about finding a place for them to sleep, she already knew the girl would insist upon staying awake until everyone else went into cryo.

"Clarke…" Echo called out, getting her to stop halfway across the room. "She'll have me there too." She hadn't known the girl that long but Madi had already impressed her even before becoming commander. Now though she felt that she finally had a leader that would be worthy of following, in ways that Roan and Nia hadn't been. And if it meant never being on the opposite side of Wanheda again then all the better

Clarke took a moment to parse that out, it meant a lot to her that Madi would have someone else willing to give her their support. And Echo would be able to help her in ways that Clarke was unable, perhaps even teach her proper fighting techniques. Most of all though it meant that there would be another person to help keep her daughters safe. "Thank you."

* * *

**Author's Note: **Chapter 2 done. I really like throwing Echo and Clarke together, they actually have a lot of similarities but pretty different perspectives given their roles. And they've tried to kill each other a bunch of times. Anyways leave a review f you enjoyed it, I always like getting those.


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